Open Sesime

where I've been and whats gone down

Welcome lovelies, its been a while and I’ve missed reaching out to you all with my thoughts and pondering’s so its good to feel the wheel turn, the fiery action of summer moving into deeper late summer contemplation and receptivity and the approach of fall.

My summer was madness itself as I moved from my house of 20 years, my little place in the forest, on the hill, by the sea, on the island. I had no idea exactly just how much effort the move would take physically, energetically and emotionally. 

 And its also a huge looking back to what my place meant to me for all those years. Its was a big part of my life and of my growing up. My first steady place since the age of 13 and my first time as a mother. 

When I brought my little piece of forest with its abandoned old garage on it in 2002 I was already 14 years into the never ending conundrum of how to afford the place that I live in, while having the lifestyle that I want, doing the things I love quest.

When I was sixteen in 1988,  it seemed a little more formulaic…or maybe I was just more intimidated back then, however it did seem like there were less ways to make money than there is now with the online market….it felt like there were generally a couple of camps. You could be poor - live in vans, squats or crap housing and do minimal wage work or occasional odd jobs, or depend on the state = discomfort/  more “free“ time/ no security. You could get an education, join the debt train, get a job and start the climb = less discomfort/ not much “free” time/ better security. Or come from money or come by money = comfortable/ controllable free time /and ways of increasing security.

Ironically non of the above camps really predict whether you will be happy of not - and even though it seems like you would surely be happy being in the third camp (and has been highly advertised as being the only way to happiness), it has been proven over and over that thats just not the case. 

Given the randomness of the happiness factor (which I somehow knew wasn’t derived from circumstance, just affected by it) I felt early on (and was considered at the best quite odd or at the worst a complete looser) that personally I valued having time over say a nice house or job security. Just my jam, but I liked having the time to wonder about things, generally gaze around and try to see if I could connect with my purpose before doing massive amounts of work and so I fell into the first camp. ( I have always envied the folk who just know what they want they were born for)

And in time I did discover and find things that feel purposeful and that bring me joy and naturally they are not clear cut money makers. Dreaming. Inspiring. Art. Healing. Medicine making. Storytelling. Gathering. Creating. And I knew, yes, eventually they do find a way to support you but there is always that bridge that you have to build and its so precarious, from one shore to another and it takes so much work because you usually have to have a job and or family to also look after. It’s lengthy. It takes faith and self worth and a lot of support. and luck and wellness. And time. And work. But mostly faith, in yourself and the unknowable. 

It’s also really really hard to do any of the above, and indeed you can swirl the drain in any of the camps, in any era, if you’re in a fucked up relationship - with your self, partner, environment, place, family. Whatever fucked up dynamic you’re grappling with, you some how have to come to a place of reckoning around relationship before things align. And even though I tried my hardest, I did find myself hating what I did and how I spent my time and the way I lived and found that it was usually because of how I was in relationship, mostly with self, place and others.

And thats what my land represented, a spot where I created the possibility of being able to support myself and a place where I freed myself up from some fucked up relationships and a center where I got to work on how to better be in relationship while working insanely hard on things I found gave me purpose.

So my land, on which I created a beautiful little house and then the even more crazy little earth dome became a sanctuary and a place of peace, where I had space and time to figure out a lot of things, where purpose aligned and healing occurred so that I could become curious enough and generous enough to start feeling into relationship in a way that didn’t involve throwing myself under the bus in the process. Or that consisted of co dependent loops that just illustrated trauma, made trauma “safe and lived in” without the transformation into something different.

And a couple of years ago it become clear that this time of my life had reached a certain conclusion and that gates were closing, punctuated by my child becoming an adult, my beloved dog passing and miraculously finding family and so I knew that it was time to move on and open new gates. (Plus the housing market!!!! I could see all the birds leaving the forest, metaphorically)

And this was a big gate to close, so although I had greased the hinges and they felt fairly well hung it was momentous, closing gates and the subsequent opening of the new, saying good bye and stepping out into the slipstream of life and seeing where I would get swept up. And even tho I had made good headway and had great places to land and new pathways beginning, even tho I had support, I got horribly sick for about 2 months with asthma and allergies and basically not being able to breath well on and off, inconsistent, but becoming at its worst the last week of the move and resolving as I moved. 

And although I figured out the physical expressions of my illness, mostly dealt with by working with my gut health, (lungs and large intestine being very connected in traditional Chinese medicine so it made perfect sense), I am still working with and wondering about the emotional and spiritual implications. I mean thats what I do in my healing practice, work with mind body spirit, the whole caboodle and the lungs being grief and not just grief but also our connection to spirit, to what is greater than us and I think of how in my struggle, in that beautiful little house, bringing up my kids and myself, how even though I prioritized time, how I still rarely gave myself time to grieve, and struggled to find a way to connect and deepen my connection with spirit even as I was connected to place and just how important that is to me here right now and how thats what I have time for with this next turning.

And also it seems it’s been lung time for a lot of us, this last 2 years. 

How do I grieve in this world without it completely overtaking me, so I don’t just send you, dear reader, a constant liturgy of all the woes? And how does that grief feed into my celebration, eros and desire for life and longing for the future? How do I connect with spirit on the daily? What practices do I do that put my prayer, my soul song, into the world, mind body spirit?

And I’m curious as to how you all grieve and what are your practices?

This I feel is going to be a gate that I open and walk though and will be in for quite a long while. And its exciting and new and also still very much what I bring with me. It’s also work. Work that I hope I will be sharing in community. In right relationship. 

I look forward to sending you soon another meditation and ongoing thoughts as well as what I’m crying about, what I’m longing for and as always what I’m making medicine from.

Thanks for being here, and continuing to be here and be my support. 

Hugs and love

Natasha

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Announcements for my local peeps!

In-person events and happenings at my new spot in North Bend, Wa.

I’m excited to be part of Twin Peaks Wellness and Nutrition, run by the wonderful Sharon Hockenbury, a dear friend and fabulous healer and person.

This means classes are back, tarot readings and one to one client visits. Go here to my events page for all the details and to save a space.

Tarot Readings - every Thursday from 2-6, drop in or by appointment, first month special is 20 mins for 20$

Herb Meditations will be back, once a month on a Wednesday. Am excited to be offering this special practice again! Save your spot here.

Herbal Salons are also back! In October we will be collectively making fire cider, November brings chai and bone broth with essential health herbs and for December and take home gifts of soft centered rose honey chocolates for yuletide.

For dates and to save a spot go to: https://www.natashaclarke.com/eventsandclasses

Client one on one.

https://www.natashaclarke.com/herbalconsultations

I am excited to be in a new space to be able to offer up my herbal consultations and hands on healing. For folks seeking alternative solutions to health challenges I am able to offer a variety of natural remedies and approaches that meet you where you are at, incorporating mind body spirit. As well as recommending herbal protocols to address chronic issues or specific problems I will be offering Elemental Plant Medicine, a hands on treatment that uses the energy of the plant only and follows the five element principles of Chinese Medicine. Through our daily life, our qi, or life-force, may become blocked, imbalanced, depleted, or flooded. Elemental Plant Medicine uses the practitioner relationship with powerful local plants to bring flow, clarity, and balance to your qi. It is a way of healing that is both gentle and powerful. The medicine of the plants will bring you balance and relief, both immediate and gradually unfurling in the time between our meetings. We may choose to incorporate flower essences, journeying, and/or soul retrieval if desired or indicated by how our work together unfolds.

Find out how to book and more go here

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